Activision, the games publisher behind the critically acclaimed and best selling Call of Duty series, announced in a press release today that Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, the sixth game in the series, not only broke every sales record for anything ever, but in fact also heralded the second coming of Jesus Christ.
The news comes just hours after reports began flooding in that Sony’s free online gaming service, PSN, had crashed due to the sheer volume of Jesus on the network. Microsoft’s Xbox Live subscription service held up significantly better under the strain but many gamers outside the US have complained that it can sometimes take upwards of 5 minutes to find a lag free saviour.
The game’s creative strategist, Robert Bowling, told NotRealNews, “All of us at Infinity Ward and Activison were confident that we had a fantastic game with Modern Warfare 2, but we were all still quite surprised when three kings and a large crowd of shepherds invited us to the Stable Inn shortly after the launch and told us that the multiplayer component of the game was so good that it had actually prompted the return of the Messiah.”
Videogame activists and aetheist groups were quick to criticise the move, claiming that it “reinforces religious beliefs in young, impressionable gamers”. Notable aetheism advocate, Richard Dawkins, gave a statement regarding the announcement. He said, “Children are not being shown the consequences of religion. We need to teach them that in real life, when you get crucified, you don’t just restart from the last checkpoint.”
Gaming industry analyst Michael Pachter believes that we will see more publishers partnering with prominent religious icons in 2010. EA is currently believed to be in talks with Buddha over reincarnating it’s floundering Need For Speed series as a game that people actually like.
Activision also announced today that they are considering a new “collection plate” weekly payment model for future releases in the Call of Duty series. More specifics and a pricing structure are thought to be forthcoming in the new year, with many expecting the service to adopt a “pay what you can” approach.
—
[I love writing satire.]
